You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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