my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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