It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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