There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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