I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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