proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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