she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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