I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize