You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
