he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
