can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize