You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
