dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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