I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
