is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize