I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
