i jhust puked up my retainher.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
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I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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