you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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