It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We have so much sex to catch up on
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
