Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All the doctor said was why
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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