I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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