How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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