Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Randomize
