peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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