OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
