Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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