69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
