so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
