I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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