this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
