Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
