And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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