You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
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I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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