I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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