We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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