no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize