You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize