i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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