Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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