I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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