No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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