Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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