We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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