He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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