Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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