I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize