You're so nebulous sometimes
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize