so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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