I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize