It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
